Iris Pedraza Tanton: AWE Featured Student

The following essay is by Iris Pedraza Tanton, student of our Graduate Degrees in Ecstatic Mysticism program, run in collaboration with the AWE.

A Peek into the Mystery

There are moments when time dilates, when reality feels suddenly more profound, and the ordinary storyline of life vanishes, replaced by a new, luminous script written in self-awareness. AWE or Ecstatic Mysticism is less a program and more an invitation to enter a spiral vortex drawing the spirit into the hidden chambers of the psyche and the deeper recesses of the heart.

I have entered this space and discovered my lost child, hidden beneath layers of self defenses and guarded by protectors so fierce, their energy leaked onto my daily life and how I filtered my world. This program is a reckoning with the truth and with one’s own unique personal history. It has been profoundly challenging and infused with joy and ecstasy. Standing at the threshold, I can sense I am about to rewrite my story, grounded at last in the authentic truth of who I am becoming, my truest self.

I entered AWE with a childlike curiosity and real passion to unravel the mysteries of Sacred Plants. But what I have absorbed instead is something more powerful than I can express in words. AWE or Ecstatic Mysticism, as it is now known, is a Mystery School, which means that what you intend on learning as you enter the sacred hallways of this institution may not be what you take away at its end. It is a personal quest, deeply entrenched in self exploration and intense inquiry, guided expertly by masterful leadership and compassionate humanity.

My personal journey has uncovered family histories I never imagined would shape my everyday life. Through this process, I’ve come to appreciate the powerful influence of family, lineage, and country. Entering this rite of passage as someone simply seeking to understand her own story, I discovered vast libraries of ancestral memory and energetic bonds woven through my bloodline and family tree. I am more than just myself. We are more than our individual stories. We are woven into a luminous tapestry of consciousness, bound together by our shared suffering, a longing to know and be known, and the enduring thread of belonging. This intricate web of light is what we call Humanity.

My journey began with only a vague understanding of what a mystery school truly is. I felt a strong calling to explore this unknown, esoteric realm, driven by a persistent curiosity to see if it might transform me. At 51, in my middle passage, the prospect of diving deeper into my true self felt both daunting and exhilarating. Now, after a year in the program, I have deeply experienced the power of community, mystery, and intense self-exploration. At every step, I have been touched by a flow of sacredness and wonder. This is my story.

A few years ago I became interested in psychedelics for use in psychotherapy. I had been away from my profession for over 7 years as I had moved to Barcelona, Spain for a time and was not able to practice as a therapist. I returned to the US and was made aware of a new type of therapy. My son, studying at Johns Hopkins, mentioned a university program researching psychedelics for end-of-life cancer patients—a therapy showing great promise for mental health. Thoroughly intrigued, I soon joined another program and training to be a Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapist. Guided by leading researchers and clinicians, I was captivated by the profound promise of this therapy. Yet, despite completing the program, I felt it
left something out—the embodied, experiential knowledge and sacred traditions of indigenous peoples who have stewarded these medicines for millennia.

While my mind was fulfilled with intellectual understanding, my heart and body were still hungry for the deeper embodied wisdom. I wanted to hear from the indigenous tribes, the elders, the wise ones that have guarded the secrets of these sacred plants for so long. This piece was so important for me. I found this piece in AWE.

This extraordinary program offers the rare gift of experiencing the loving, safeguarded wisdom of indigenous tribes and ancient keepers of sacred knowledge. Recently, we journeyed on a pilgrimage to the Ecuadorian Amazon, to live in community with the Ai people, also known as the Cofán. There, we were welcomed into their world, learning how they navigate the vast and vibrant jungle that is both home and teacher. We were entrusted with their secrets and magic—their enduring energy still lingers with me, as does the sacredness of their teachings and medicines.

These encounters are not mere lessons but profound methods of embodying knowledge fully. Unlike conventional education, AWE offers the unmistakable gift of learning through direct experience—a deep immersion into knowledge and mystery alike. This was the missing piece I had long sought: to learn through the lineage and presence of the gatekeepers themselves. This pilgrimage transformed me, and its gifts and magic continue to ripple through my being to this day.

My journey is still unfolding, but the insights gained through this program led me back to my homeland, where I uncovered stories of my ancestors that echo in my present life. One of the most profound moments was returning to Colombia with my mother, now in her late seventies and beginning to suffer from dementia. As she ages, she longs to reclaim the childhood stolen by violence and loss. Born in Cabrera during one of the darkest decades in our country’s history—a time when atrocities cast long shadows over her earliest years—she felt an undeniable call to return.

Together with her siblings, we retraced the footsteps of their mother and our ancestors, confronting secrets long buried in silent chambers of family history. Stories too painful to speak of were finally revealed, bringing tears and healing. I witnessed the very valley that inspired my grandmother’s first poem—a legacy of heart and soul passed down through volumes of poetry to our family. Throughout this pilgrimage, my mother remained lucid, almost on a mission to reclaim memory, visiting the graves of those she loved and carried in her heart.

Though this journey was hers, it touched me deeply too—becoming part of my path of ancestral healing and acknowledgement. Without the mystery and lessons from AWE, I might never have seen the need to make this pilgrimage. To grieve with my ancestors decades later was to honor their strength and courage, and to recognize that their stories live within me, giving me renewed strength. This healing was for
all of us, for our family and for myself.

There are still many treasures to uncover on this path. I feel held by this program, gently guided without interference through the intricate landscape of my personal journey. Though the full meaning may reveal itself only in time, this work already feels vital, noble, and impossible to abandon. I must see it through. This spiral vortex of the psyche has led me deep within, reconnecting me with my lost child—the parts of myself buried beneath years of conditioning. I am awakened to the self-defenses I built early on, meant to protect me, now seen with profound clarity and reverence.

There is immense transformation in this knowing, a sacred unfolding of self that shapes and renews me. As I walk this spiral, I find the child I lost, the ancestors I honor, and—threaded through it all—a shimmering tether of belonging.

This remarkable program offers something truly powerful—a container of loving, compassionate community. We are a tribe of seekers, unafraid to face the demons of our psyche head-on and to openly share our journeys. Within this community, I have learned that what touches one of us touches all; our bond is real, palpable, and healing. The energy of this radiant constellation of souls brings me profound
solace and hope.

Through our personal unraveling, we discover the capacity to heal, to radiate love outward, and perhaps even to change the world around us. At our core, we are united—our feelings and struggles drawn from the same well of human suffering. Above all, we share the universal longing to find our own truth and a deeper connection to one another.

“My curiosity leads me, and I surrender fully to the mystery.” This mantra will guide me through the remainder of my journey in the program. To step wholly into the unknown is all that is asked—and the rewards are nothing short of life-changing, transforming not only me but the legacy of my lineage. There is no work more vital, more urgent. I am profoundly grateful for the privilege and the sanctuary this
program offers, a space that has awakened my faith in myself and revealed the true magic that pulses through the universe.